Watch Me Loose It

Friday, October 29, 2010

Week In Review

Wow has it been almost a week already? So much to report, so little time. Bear with me. I will try and cover it all and not bore you to tears too much. First off an update on Justin. Seems I will be going at this thing alone for a while. I got an email from Justin's wife Nicole on Wednesday with this update:
J was brought into the OR around 7:15. At about 8:15 they began the proceedure. The doctor made about a 1 inch incision in J's neck and removed the ruptured disc. The disc was replaced with carbon fiber and a bone graft from his hip. The doctor then placed a titanium plate in J's neck to fuse the two vertebrae together.
Holy balls! I can't imagine how scared his wife had to be facing all of this. Thankfully he should recover fully in 4-6 weeks. I am extrememly happy that his little guys will still have their dad around, and his wife will have her hubby. So for the next 4-6 weeks I will be trying to figure this out on my own. And we all know how successful I have been with that in the past. So wish me luck. I am also open to all suggestions and tips.
Tuesday Kathy and I hit the torture room again. It wasn't as good as the night before but it was close.
Wednesday, I took Kayla with me.

Thursday I took the day off. I was so sore.
Friday I took the day off of work. Micheal had a Honor Roll awards thingy at school. Okay answer me this. Why the hell have an awards thing in the middle of the day for the parents to attend? I mean I am thankful that I have a job, where I can take off if needed to attend. But a few years ago I did not. After that David and I headed to lunch. It was nice to have lunch with him and not have to worry about getting back to work so soon.

We practied for our 5K that night and did okay. I love spending Friday nights with my girls. We finished up with shopping and dinner at our favorite hot spot in town. Shoney's. (that was almost a joke..almost). Then it was off for a good nights sleep.

Saturday: Race Day! It was freaking cold when we first got there. And between my sister and me, we had our own paparazzi going on. Pictures with everyone's phone and camera. It's all about the details.

This is Kizzy (awesome name huh). We meet her before the race. She was supposed to meet a friend for the race, but it must have been too cold for her friend. This woman is a rock star! Not only is she cute as a button, but she kicked this races ass, AND she did it by herself! It was nice to meet you Kizzy. Hope to see you again at another race!

My time was not the best. Some where along the way Weepy Me reared her ugly little head. I get so pissed off that my body won't do what I want it to. These races are so much more than physical for me. They are 100% mental. It takes me so long to get out of my head. I can think of 134343 different reasons that I CAN'T do this. When really we all know I CAN! I have! Many, many times before. Then to top it all off, I think I may have even hurt some skinny girls feelings along the way. To the tiny little runner that passed me the 2nd lap, that needed a doughnut or 2, I know that you meant well when you said I was doing a good job, I now know that it was totally inappropriate for me to scream, "Yeay for fat girls" back at you.

Weepy Me left and about the second mile, I took over. I was able to cross the finish line and finally put this silly thing behind me.
The rest of the day was filled with shopping, shopping and more shopping. Damn those girls know how to shop! I don't think there was a store we did not go into! I am pretty sure we walked another 2 miles shopping.

I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but I have the MOST amazing sister in the world. Since I have started doing these crazy 5K things, she has been right at my side. She has drove hours just to be by my side so that I am not finishing alone. Everyone should have a sister like mine. I love you Ashley.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Back from an Mini Melt Down

Yesterday I had a mini freak out/melt down. I got a message from Justin that he will be suspending all workouts until further notice to deal with some scary medical issues. Now first let me say this. I am worried about him. Without going into details, this is/could possibly be very serious. I pray that everything works out and he is back up and running ASAP. Now that being said, I totally freaked out! I mean full on panic attack, and of course that Weepy chic even showed up!

I know!

Now let me explain WHY. I am 37 years old, and I have been struggling with this 'thing' my whole life. Maybe not on this level the whole time, but at some level I have. As far back as I can remember.

This is the first time in those 30 odd years that I have actually SEEN results with my own two eyes. I have watched the scale move before, gotten numerous 'Bravo's' and 5lb stars, but I have never once looked in the mirror and SEEN a change. This has been mind boggling for me. And right now, I am on the verge of being in uncharted territory. Both on a fitness level and a weight level. Last year this time I lost 40 lbs. It was awesome. I was FINALLY in Twottervill. And then of course LIFE happened and I lost focus for a short time and WHAM 20 lbs crept back on. Well I am just about to be past that 40lb mark AGAIN. I will finally be back to loosing more weight than I ever have before. I don't really mention pounds and weight as much because of this. I hate to say yeay I lost 2 lbs, when it was two pounds I had already lost and then stupidly found again. Follow Me? So I have about 5 more pounds to loose before I am past that. Then I can celebrate each pound lost. And KNOW that it really is for real this time. And I'm EXCITED!

And the thought of not having the main thing, that has pushed me this far, scared the ever loving crap outta me. I just don't know if I can do this alone. Now when I say alone, I don't really mean alone. I am VERY fortunate to have an AMAZING support group. I have two of the best friends anyone could ask for. Kathy and Anna. We have been on this journey together for about a year now. And it doesn't matter what happens, they will be there to the end.

And then there is my awesome hubby and kids. They put up with me being gone most nights at the gym, they pitch in and do more around the house so that when I come home I can rest. Not the mention my sister and mom and aunts, and dozens of facebook friends. They are ALL awesome. This is the conversation I had with my hubby yesterday, after I had gotten news about J. I was so upset. And I didn't know what I was going to do. (We work together and this was an IM between us on our work email. I blacked out the stuff that pertained to work). You can click on it to see the full size version.

Here is the above conversation transcribed because Blogger is pissing me off.
Rachel: You there
David: :-)
Rachel: Just just emailed all his clients. he is cancelling all appointments until further notice.he found out today that he has some medical issues. I'M ON THE VERGE OF FREAKING OUT. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS ALONE!!!!!!
David: you know what to do, don't say you can't YOU CAN DO IT. he has taught you what you need to know just keep it up. do not quit.
Rachel: geeze just when i thought i was about to go to uncharted territory. I'm about to make a huge mile stone.UGGG. I don't want to fail again.
David:only reason you would fail is will be you
Rachel:and not to mention that i feel like a huge BITCH because I am worried about me, when there might be something wrong with him! is that selfish?
David: it will be your fault if you fail. life throws everything at you many ways. it is what you do with it that makes you a winner or a failure. which do you want to be?!?
Rachel: i want to be a winner. for once i want to beat this
David: like i told you before. its up to you. just because you don't have someone riding your ass showing you what to do, don't mean you can't do it. if you want to win, be a winner. don't let anyone stop you. but if you stumble, i will be there to catch you and GET YOU OFF YOUR ASS and tell you to step it up.
Rachel: I love you :-)
Yeah and now you see why:

So I sent Weepy Me packing. Packed my guilt trip up and put it away, and texted Kathy and Anna this: Either of you up for a totally mixed up, not really sure what I'm doing version of what I haven't blocked out from my memory for good reason work out? Anna wasn't feeling too well, but Kathy was game. So we got together and after a mile warm up on the treadmill, moved to the torture room. I picked some of the exercises that I remembered from my past sessions with Justin and we kicked butt.

One hour, eleven minutes. 1265 calories burned. I am hoping I can keep this up. It was nice to have Kathy join me. To hear me talk it almost sounded like I knew what I was talking about. Hahaha.

The countdown to my next official 5K is on. It's Saturday morning and I think I am kinda excited. It's going to be a super fun day spending time with my sister and my friends! And the most important part of the whole day.

Moma needs a new PURSE! And a WALLET! And some SHOES! And some BLING! Oh my!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

I am NOT on a Diet

Man I can't believe how many times I have had to explain that to STUPID people. I am NOT on a diet. Of course I CAN have chips and salsa. I just choose NOT to. I have learned so much in the past 2 months or so. I know to someone who has always been healthy, or not had a weight problem, this is a no brainier.
But loosing weight and maintaining your current weight, all comes down to calories vs calories out. Plain and simple. You MUST burn more calories than you take in to loose weight. So knowing that little gem, why would I CHOOSE to eat crap, when I will just have to work my ass off later tonight to get it back out? It's just not worth it to me. And I realize that not everyone has figured that out yet. And I am okay with that, but when you ask if I would like...cake, candy, chips, cookies, pie, ice cream, or anything else that I have NOT planned, my answer will be no thank you. And it is NOT because I am on a DIET! It is because I just don't freaking want it!

Tuesday's attempt at my first 5K of the week was a total failure.

I was all ready to do it and to make a better time than I did the week before. I don't know if I just didn't stretch enough or if I started out too fast, but about 10 mins in, I felt my shin splinter. MOTHER SOMETHING! I was so pissed! We were far enough that I wasn't going to turn back, but not nearly far enough to be close to being finished. So I MADE myself drag on. We were able to shave off about 1/2 mile cutting through the neighborhood that we were walking around. We didn't make great time thanks to me, but at least I burned some calories.

So after that we went out to dinner like we always do on Tuesday. Shoney's has been our go to place here of late. It offers a lighter meal if we choose (And I have been). I always order the same thing.

I order the Lifestyle Blackened Chicken with Wild Rice and instead of a green salad I order a fruit salad. The other night when we were there and I place my order, one of the other waitresses came out and said 'As soon as she placed the order I knew who it was for'.

I guess its better to be know for a fruit salad than it is a cheese burger. :)

Last night was my second session of the week. I was NOT looking forward to it at all. I had been dealing with an upset stomach most of the day, and I had an all around CRAPPYTACULAR day. It was upper body night. So we worked a lot of that crap. Then he introduced me to his little friend.

Yeah isn't he cute. NOT. Then of course he expected me to do all sorts of tricks with his little friend.
I did something like this. Then some other things I am still trying to block out of my memory. I don't know what the hell the deal was last night, but I was so FREAKING emotional! I don't know if I have mentioned it before, but I HATE weepy me. I am not a fan at all. And I don't know if it was because I was feeling crappy, or my day was crappy or I was just frustrated that I couldn't successfully do a move or what, but about 3/4 of the way through Weepy Me showed up. I could NOT get a handle on this chic to save my life! The only thing that stopped her was when I got to beat the living crap out of Justin's little friend with the weight bar. That shut her up. I think I might have scared her.

I had a good weigh in. I lost 1.6 lbs. All in all it was an okay night. 1 hour 31 minutes. 1231 calories burned.

I think I will skip the walk and the gym tonight. My knee is killing me and I feel exhausted, I hope I am not coming down with something. I plan on cooking a good dinner and getting my snuggle on with David.

Anyone have any good recipes for a first time Butternut squash taster? I bought one, but I am not sure how to cook it. I want to love it so much. Any suggestions?

Monday, October 18, 2010

Friend Making Monday-That Turned into Tuesday

Well I had every intention to post this yesterday, but time got away from me and before I knew it, it was too late. So here I am one day late (the story of my life really). Shrinking Kenz over at All the Weigh posted this great way to get to know some fellow bloggers. All you need to do is just copy the question below and share your unique answer on your blog. Link up at the bottom of this post then take a few minutes to visit and comment on other FMM blog posts. The question was What is your favorite holiday?

I would have to say my favorite holiday is Halloween. I love that it is the beginning of fall, and its the start of the holiday rush. I don't really care for the creepy part of Halloween, as much as I do the cutesy stuff. I love all the vibrant colors. The oranges, purples, and greens. My kids are too old to dress up now, but I always looked forward to helping them pick out a costume.

Of course the candy don't hurt either :-) LOL But this year I will steer clear. It doesn't even phase me anymore. It's kinda weird that the want is not there. But I do know it is still early...LOL.

This weekend was great! I got to spend some MUCH needed family time with my clan. I love it when we all are able to just get away from everything, so we only have ourselves to entertain each other. The last time we all 4 spend any time together was for vacation back in July.

First stop of Stennis Space Center in Mississippi. We have been here several times before. But for a FREE tour you just can't beat it. There is lot's of cool exhibits and lots of interactive things to do. It has been a while since we were there and we loved it just the same.

After that stop we headed to the big flea market! I LOVE flea markets! I love looking at what some people collect and what some people think that other people would buy! I did score some really sweet deals while we were there.

I picked up this necklace for TWO FREAKING BUCKS! Best deal of the day, hands down. After we finished up there we puttered down the road and headed to the Outlet Mall. The boy's opted to stay in the car for a mini nap, while Kayla and I power shopped! Talk about a work out!

I picked up a couple new necklaces, including this one. And a of course some new blingy rings too. After we were done we headed to Imperial Palace Spa and Casino to eat dinner. They have an amazing buffet there! Man it was HUGE! I did really good tho. I stick with the non fried seafood. Crabs, and clams and oysters oh my!

Yesterday was my first workout of the week with Justin. I was able to squeeze in 1.25 miles on the dreadmill before he got there. And then we hit the torture room. He is working with me to improve my leg and core strength (Did I mention you could push me over with a feather?) Yeah no kidding, allllllllllll of this. So it consisted of lots of squats and kicks and sit ups and all sorts of evil things. Let's just say that I was READY when my session ended.

1 hour 23 minutes. 1162 calories burned. Sold!
He even challenged me to complete my 5K on October 30, in under 50 mins. It's going to be hard, but I took the challenge! Wish me luck!
Tonight is my first 5K of the week. I was able to complete 3 last week. I am hoping to do the same this week. I have 11 more days to get ready for the real deal. I will let you know how my time is.
I have gotten so many sweet messages after my last post. Thank each one of you for taking the time and contacting me. I love visiting each of your blogs and checking in on your journey's too. I think blogging will play a huge part in me being successful. Thanks for stopping by.

Friday, October 15, 2010


Woah...the second blog post of the day. Insane! Okay I just couldn't wait to come and post how my eval went. If I had to pick one word that describes how I feel right now it would be HOLY BATMAN IS THAT REALLY ME? This is the first time on this crazy journey that I have SEEN with my own two eyes these results.

I have lost a total of 13 inches from my body, and 2.2% body fat. I improved across the board. I ROCKED the plank, which makes me happy. Hopefully that means my upper body is getting stronger.
I feel slightly vulnerable posting these photos, and for the first time my weight. I know that I have so much farther to go, but I think for the first time in my life I 'get it', I really get it. I get that I have to bust my ass every day and exercise. I get that every day I have to know what I am putting in my body. I get that if I do not do this now there is a chance I won't be around for my grandkids. I don't care how long it takes or how hard it gets I will NOT give up this time. Looking at these photos and my progress in just ONE month, makes me even more determined to push harder and work longer.

Tonight I will fall asleep with hope that this will actually be a reality one day in my future.